Eat Mangos

Period 1
February 2005
Extra Credit Mole Project

 
BREAKING THE “MOLE”D
Presented to you by Moles On Broadway Productions

CAST OF CHARACTERS
Maria Mole
Mole Superior
Annie Mole
Marvin the Mole
The Mole Chorus

As the overture ends, the opening number music comes on. It is a lively dance number. The curtain lifts only about a foot and all that is visible is feet dressed in mole slippers. The feet pace around, run into each other, stomp in anger, kick around a soccer ball, etc. until a loud explosion occurs (during which a few of the bearers of mole feet are thrown to the ground). The curtain is hastily opened (it should split to the sides like a regular curtain) and reveals a chemistry lab in complete shambles. Moles (or people in mole costumes) of all sizes and shapes are conversing, experimenting, noisily arguing, dropping beakers, taking notes, running in circles and crashing into equipment, etc. Upon the curtain opening, the moles rush to their assigned places, the music starts, and the song begins.

SIX POINT OH TWENTY TWO ATOMS
TO THE MELODY OF “SEVENTY SIX TROMBONES” FROM “THE MUSIC MAN”

MOLE SUPERIOR:
SIX POINT OH TWENTY TWO ATOMS WILL MAKE A MOLE
AND THAT’S SIX TIMES TEN TO THE POWER OF TWENTY THREE
IT’S THE NUMBER EACH SOPHOMORE CRAMS 
IT GIVES R.A.M. IN GRAMS
WE ALL HAVE AVOGADRO TO THANK FOR THAT

CHORUS:
SIX POINT OH TWENTY TWO ATOMS OF HYDROGEN
WE’LL JUST TAKE THE WHOLE MASS AND DIVIDE IT BY TWO
WE CAN USE IT TO FIND CONCENTRATION 
AND THE POINT OF CONDENSATION
AND YOU’LL USE IT TO CALCULATE PRESSURE TOO

DANCE BREAK

JUST REMEMBER THAT CERTAIN ATOMS ARE DIATOMIC
THAT INCLUDES N, O, H, AND GROUP SEVENTEEN
AND DON’T DARE CONFUSE MOLARITY
WITH MOLALITY
THAT’S MOLES OF SOLUTE AND YOU’LL GET POINTS OFF
As the song ends the moles return to work when Maria Mole bursts in from backstage. She is breathing hard, her hair is mattered, and she is wearing a light blue summer dress with stains on it.

MARIA MOLE:
I am so sorry, Mole Superior, I know I am late, but the hills were so beautiful and the sun was shining so brightly, and every atom in me just burst out in song. In the name of the Hydrogen Bond, please forgive me?

MOLE SUPERIOR:
Maria Mole, you are late again, what are we going to do with you? Oh well, I guess there is not much to be done, stubborn as a network covalent, that one. Now, get to work on those titration calculations, I’m afraid you were rather clumsy yesterday so you’ll have to redo them…

MARIA MOLE (eagerly):
Yes, Mole Superior

As Maria Mole gathers up her equipment quietly and quickly, enter Marvin the Mole. He is very laid back, cool, surfer mole with a mustache. He walks in, very confused and lost and looks around the lab, knocking over some test tubes. As he creeps around the back, trying to get out, he bumps into Mole Superior. The following scene is written with apologies to Tom Stoppard.

MARVIN THE MOLE:
Agrh! Hello there! I’m Marvin the Mole…

ANNIE MOLE (seeing him from behind her acid experiments):
You! You must have high entropy, you’re so spontaneous.

MARVIN THE MOLE (uncomfortably):
Er…yes…hello again…did I disturb your equilibrium? No doubt you’re surprised to see me…

ANNIE MOLE:
Honestly darling, I’m turning methyl red at the sight of you…I mean, you were extraordinary last night! Being with you, it was like having someone run an electric current through me…

MARVIN THE MOLE:
Listen, there’s something you don’t know. It’s about last night. Maybe I had a little too much free energy of formation, we both did. Annie, I just feel that under standard conditions, its best to call it off.

ANNIE MOLE:
WHAT?! But I thought…

MARVIN THE MOLE:
Annie, don’t cry, I’m sorry. I tried using a buffer but I guess I had to break it to you without neutralization. I just want you to know my admiration for you is pure and undiluted…

ANNIE MOLE (breaking into tears):
I though I was your significant figure!

MARVIN THE MOLE:
You are significant…It’s not you, it’s me. I just don’t think I have the right number of valence electrons to give to you, I know this isn’t what you want.

ANNIE MOLE:
But Marvin, we had such chemistry!

MARVIN THE MOLE:
Chemistry doesn’t matter these days, Annie, it’s all physics.

ANNIE MOLE:
Physics?

MARVIN THE MOLE:
Yeah, now they’ve discovered it’s not as much a chemical attraction as a physical one, you know, potential energy and looking for that elastic collision in a relationship. Physics, the new chemistry. 

Marvin leaves.

ANNIE MOLE:
I hate physics. I can’t stand physics.

MOLE SUPERIOR:
Annie, for your own sake, it’s time to forget about the mole.

FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE
TO THE MELODY OF “FORGET ABOUT THE BOY” FROM “THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE”, WITH SINCERE APOLOGIES TO KIMBERLY WONG

ANNIE MOLE:
NO REDUCTION IN THIS CASE FOR ME
OXIDATION WON’T SET THIS ONE FREE

MOLE CHORUS:
TIME TO SPLIT
THESE ORBITALS AREN’T MADE TO FIT
IT’S TIME TO IONIZE
ANALYZE
ORGANIZE AND
FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE
THERE AIN’T NO FLAW
WITH ENTHALPY OR HESS’S LAW
DON’T CARE IF HE’S YOUR OXYGEN
JUST A HALOGEN
FIND ANOTHER!
FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE
FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE
FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE

AND WHEN HE’S NEAR YOU
HE AIN’T MAGNETIZING
IT’S A LACK OF DIPOLES HE’S DISGUISING
DON’T SPLIT TO SUBLEVELS YET BE STRONG
AND WHEN HIS EQUATION COMES OUT WRONG
YEAH CAUSE WHEN HE’S THE SOLUTE
YOU’LL HAVE MAGNITUDE

PRAISE THE HYDROGEN BOND ANNIE!
DON’T FORGET THAT YOU’RE A NOBLE GAS
GO FIND YOURSELF A MOLE WITH CLASS
WHO’S SWEETER THAT GLUCOSE
FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE
FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE
FORGET ABOUT –

MARVIN, OH MARVIN, MARVIN
MOLE SUPERIOR:
You must remember the words of all the great scientists, Annie!

MOLE #1:
DALTON

MOLE #2:
CHARLES

MOLE #3:
BOYLE

MOLE #4:
HESS

MOLE #5:
LONDON

MOLE #6:
HENRY

MOLE #7:
RAOULT

MOLE #8:
MAXWELL

MOLE #9:
BOLTZMANN

MOLE #10:
LEWIS

MOLE SUPERIOR:
AND OUR DEAR FRIEND AVOGADRO

ALL:
FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE
FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE
FORGET ABOUT THE MOLE

Everyone in the lab comes over to comfort Annie, who is stage right. On stage left we see Maria Mole, who drops a beaker. Marvin, who was sneaking around behind the equipment, sees this and on impulse starts to help her. Their eyes meet. Everything freezes. Maria Mole drops another beaker. They kiss. As they break away, Maria Mole cleans up her beaker hastily and begins to run away.

MARVIN THE MOLE:
Wait…I don’t even know your atomic number!

MARIA MOLE:
I’m Maria…I’m sorry, I have to hurry, Mole Superior would be past her boiling point if she knew about these beakers

She exits.

MARIA
TO THE MELODY OF “MARIA” FROM “WEST SIDE STORY”

MARVIN:
MARIA
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOLE I’VE EVER MET
ALL THE BEAUTIFUL ELEMENTS OF THE WORLD IN A SINGLE ATOM
MARIA
I JUST MET A MOLE NAMED MARIA
AND SUDDENLY ALL MATTER
IS REALLY OF NO MATTER
TO ME
MARIA
I JUST KISSED A MOLE NAMED MARIA
SHE’S OF SO PURE A SUBSTANCE
SHOWS JUST HOW MUCH AN INSTANCE
CAN CHANGE
ME
PARTICLES MOVE IN RAPID MOTION
IN MY SOUL THAT’S SO FULL OF EMOTION
MARIA
TURNS MY HEART TO LIQUID
MARIA
MARIA, MARIA…
MARIA
MY MIND UNDERGOES SUBLEMATION
FOR HER THERE IS NO COMPENSATION
MARIA
NOT A COMPOUND OR MIXTURE
MARIA
NO FIXED SHAPE TO DESCRIBE HER
MARIA
He stops singing, looks dreamily into the distance, and runs offstage. Motion resumes.

ANNIE MOLE:
I guess you’re right. I can’t spend all my time in such a soluble state over some lost mole. But I can’t stand being alone, you know? It makes one feel so unsaturated.

MOLE SUPERIOR:
You mean, you want to be diatomic?

ANNIE MOLE:
Precisely!

I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
TO THE MELODY OF “I WANNA BE A PRODUCER” FROM “THE PRODUCERS”

MOLE CHORUS:
UNSTABE…UNSTABLE. VERY UNSTABLE
UNSTABLE…UNSTABLE…
VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY
VERY VERY UNSTABLE 

ANNIE:
I’VE SPENT MY HALF LIVES SEARCHING
FOR MY VALENCE ELECTRON PRINCE 
BUT I FEEL MY BONDS ARE BREAKING
IN STATES OF DISPERSION SINCE
HE LEFT ME A LONELY NUCLUS
REDISTRIBUTED MY ELECTRONS
HIS LOVE MAY NOT BE LUCREOUS
BUT I’LL SETTLE FOR MR. WRONGS
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
WITH A FULL ELECTRON SHELL
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
WITH A QUANTUM NUMBER THAT SELLS
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
NOT APPLY TO THE EXCLUSION PRINCIPLE
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
TO HAVE MY OWN AZIMUTHAL
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
BE HE ELLIPTICAL OR NOT
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
WATCH THOSE NET IONICS ROT
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
JUST LIKE FLORIDE AND CHLORIDE
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
AND FORM HYDROGEN PEROXIDE
I WANNA ALWAYS BE WRITTEN
WITH A WONDERFUL SUBSCRIPT OF TWO AFTER ME 
I JUST GOTTA BE DIATOMIC
I’M SO TIRED OF MOVING FREE
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
NOT WATCH TWO HALF EQUATIONS ROT
I WANNA BE DIATOMIC
‘CAUSE IT’S EVERYTHING I’M NOT 

MOLE CHORUS:
UNSTABLE…UNSTABLE…
SO UNSTABLE 

ANNIE:
I’M GONNA BE DIATOMIC
NO MORE ANIONS IN MY SUM
I’M GONNA BE DIATOMIC
LOOK OUT MARVIN, HERE I COME!! 
ANNIE MOLE:
Without Marvin my life is but a half life (bursts out crying)

MOLE SUPERIOR:
Oh, Annie…look, here he comes now

CHORUS MOLE #1:
Marvin the Mole!

MARVIN:
Where is she? I must find her. She’s got my vapor pressure lowering and my boiling point elevated…everything’s backwards and upside down. All that was insoluble before is soluble now. My life has changed!

MOLE SUPERIOR:
She’s here (shows him Annie)

MARVIN:
No, no, not her. We were never meant to bond, I’ve found something better, something radioactive. Tell me, Mole Superior, where is Maria?

ANNIE MOLE:
Maria? I knew a catalyst had come between us! You philandering coward…

MARIA MOLE:
Yes, Mole Superior?

MARVIN:
Maria, please listen, I love you. Please, say you’ll go with me before our activation energies run out! We are a true lone pair!

ANNIE MOLE:
Marvin, no! I thought we were so isomeric!

MARIA:
No, you’re a cad Marvin, you will use me and cast me aside as you have cast aside so many others! In your life I am nothing but another spectator ion.

MARVIN:
I’m sorry Annie, but I can never settle for just a mole fraction of what I have found in Maria. We are as bonded as alkynes Annie, please understand!

ANNIE:
But didn’t our bond have a high enthalpy too? Didn’t it matter to you at all?

MARIA:
If I’m just another Enthalpy Cycle for you, I think you should stay with Annie. Our bond was exothermic anyways (she begins to cry quietly, Marvin tries to help her but only makes her cry harder)

ANNIE:
Now look what you’ve done, you’ve made her into a total liquid.

MOLE SUPERIOR:
What did I say about horseplay in the lab? Maria, please stop crying, Annie, quit behaving like an acid, and Marvin, stop being so reactive. I have something that will balance this equation.

MARIA:
Oh please, Mole Superior, do tell us!

MOLE SUPERIOR:
Well, you all know the mole equation, mass=moles X ram. But do you know the significance of it? Do you, really know what it means?

MARIA:
Oh Mole Superior, I think I understand. It means that no matter what we are a mole of, we belong in an equation.

MOLE SUPERIOR:
Exactly. So no matter what we do, we are never used alone. We are used in Molarity and Molality, and to calculate that, we must be used together. 

ANNIE MOLE:
So, we are never in lone pairs because we are all together, we’re all friends because we’re all moles

MOLE SUPERIOR:
So that is the power of the mole

MARVIN:
So, bonded forever? (all three put arms around each other and make a kick line)

ANNIE AND MARIA:
Bonded, forever.

MOLE SUPERIOR:
Everyone, put on your safety goggles and get up your activation energies…behold the mole!

MOLES
TO THE MELODY OF “DAMES” FROM “FORTY-SECOND STREET”

MARVIN:
IF YOU NEED TO WEIGH A FORMULA
OR TO SUM THE MASSES OF
EVERY ATOM IN A COMPOUND
FIND PERCENT OF COMPOSITION
OF AN ELEMENT BY MASS
AVOGADRO RAN AN EXPERIMENT
AND HE CAME UP WITH THE MOLE!

MARVIN, ANNIE, AND MARIA:
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR, 
TO FIND THE ANSWER? 
TELL THE TRUTH 
YOU TRY TO CALCULATE THE MOLES.
YOU FIND THE MASS FROM
YOU FILL THE GLASS WITH
LITERS OF LIQUID FOUND WITH, 
ALL THOSE BEAUTIFUL MOLES.
OH! MOLES ARE USED TO FIND MOLARITY.
ONE MOLE OF WATER HAS POLARITY
CAN’T YOU SEE? 

MOLE SUPERIOR:
WHETHER POLARIC
OR ISOMERIC,
WHEN YOU NEED TO FIND THE MASS YOU’LL BE USING THE MOLE.

DANCE BREAK—ANNIE, MARVIN, AND MARIA DO A ROCKETTES ROUTINE IN THE FRONT, AND THEN THE BIG MOLE KICK LINE JOINS AND DANCES BEHIND

MOLE CHORUS ET AL:
MAGNESIUM OXIDE, 
OR PLAIN PERODIXE,
THERE IS NOTHIN’ THAT’S AS USEFUL IN A TEST-
NO NUMBER WILL FIT THE EQUATION BEST
THAT THE NUMBER HELPING YOU FIND THOSE
MOLES, MOLES, MOLES, MOLES, 
MOLES MOLES MOLES MOLES-
MOLES! 

BOWS:
SIX POINT OH TWENTY TWO ATOMS WILL MAKE A MOLE
AND THAT’S SIX TIMES TEN TO THE POWER OF TWENTY THREE
YOU CAN USE IT TO FIND TITRATION 
WORKS IN EVERY CALCULATION
SO IF YOU’RE STUCK WITH A PROBLEM JUST CALL ON THE MOLE